Morning Coffee: Deutsche Bankers aren’t as sad as you think. Google staffers moonlighting as troll referees

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Deutsche Bank is in the process of cutting as many as 7,000 jobs globally, its share price seems to hit a new record-low every day and chances are good the lender’s U.S. operations will fail the latest round of stress tests set to be announced Thursday. Deutsche bankers can seemingly pick a reason to be down in the dumps. Yet, many seem to be doing just fine.

Leaked results of an internal survey show that 57% of Deutsche Bank employees are committed to the firm, the same figure from a year ago when massive restructuring wasn’t staring them in the face. Slightly less than half of all employees said they were proud to work for the bank, also in line with last year’s survey, according to Bloomberg. Meanwhile, roughly 45% of respondents said that good work was recognized, up from 38% last year. Around 40% said the bank’s decision-making process was too slow, with 30% dissenting.

Quite honestly, the survey results aren’t too surprising if you talk to people at Deutsche Bank. Insiders within the bank’s U.S. operations told us earlier in the month that morale hasn’t been all that affected by the cuts. In fact, several supported the bank’s decision to “finally” cut some of the fat and refocus the firm.

Those who have evaded the axe do have something tangible to smile about. Deutsche Bank is actually increasing bonuses this year back to more standard levels after slashing them a year ago. Perhaps the Deutsche pity party was a bit presumptive.

Elsewhere, Google has established new company guidelines aimed at cleaning up the heated political and social debates that take place on its internal message boards. As part of the move, Google is enlisting the help of its volunteer brigade of intranet moderators who oversee the discussion groups in their free time. The moderators can now flag fellow Google employees for abusive and disruptive discourse, sending them right to the penalty box: a meeting with HR.

The search giant said that employees could be demoted or terminated for posting derogatory or insensitive jokes and offensive images. Moderators will also be on the lookout for attempts at “doxxing,” where employees retaliate against each other by posting personal information about their rival.

Meanwhile:

Elon Musk got personal after Goldman Sachs analyst David Tamberrino said he believed Tesla would miss a key production target. "They're in for a rude awakening :)" Musk wrote in a companywide email. (Business Insider)

Hedge fund manager Bill Ackman has laid off three investor relations team members in his second round of cuts as Pershing Square Capital Management continues to see an outflow of assets. (Reuters)

Former Credit Suisse bankers Jonathan Wilmot and Aric Whitewood have launched an AI-based hedge fund, WilmotML. (HFM)

High-frequency trading firm Jump is the latest fund to choose Amsterdam as its new EU headquarters post-Brexit. Jump is the third Chicago-based trading group to relocate from London to Amsterdam. (Financial News)

J.P. Morgan is set to hire several dozen junior and senior investment bankers in China over the next two to three years as it reorganizes its Asian business. (WSJ)

Quant funds are having a really terrible year. (Bloomberg)

Stan Druckenmiller disciples Jack Franke and Eric Lee are shuttering their hedge fund, Blockhouse Capital Management, after only two years due to poor performance. (Bloomberg)

Being a narcissist might be unbearable for those around you, but it’s also a strong predictor of mental toughness and success. (BBC)

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