Morning Coffee: J.P. Morgan, Credit Suisse, unleash M&A hiring. When you're dumped by Barclays

Investment banks' year-ends are so near you could almost close their books already. Absent an unexpected event in the few weeks, 2015 is done with. This might be why banks are suddenly making big noises about their hiring intentions for 2016.

If J.P. Morgan and Credit Suisse are anything to go by, next year will be all about senior M&A hiring. In an interview with Financial News, Marisa Drew, Credit Suisse's co-head investment banking in Europe, said the bank plans to recruit "between five and 10 managing directors in Europe in the near term". Drew added that they will be focusing on FIG and Industrials bankers in the UK and Germany and that they're looking for "needle-movers" and "A players."

Daniel Pinto at J.P. Morgan was less specific about his intended hires, but he told Bloomberg that he's in the midst of, "executing a very aggressive plan to hire senior bankers in select areas." How aggressive is aggressive? Bloomberg says Pinto wants to hire 'dozens of top investment bankers' and that many of them will be in M&A, but he doesn't say where.

Separately, you don't want to make yourself unpopular at Barclays. Two days after the arrival of Jes Staley as CEO, the Guardian spoke to deposed CEO Antony Jenkins. Jenkins revealed that he was informed of his fate during an unexpected telephone call from Barclays' chairman John McFarlane. "I’m a human being, so I have to say that it was surprising to me," he added.

Meanwhile:

Forget commodities trading, it's all about providing 'operating cash and credit guarantees' to small energy companies. (WSJ) 

Ex-UBS CEO has written a melodramatic book about his banking career: "Within minutes a winning streak can turn into a trip to the hospital, or even death.” (Forbes) 

Asset managers are now trading bonds directly between themselves. “When I started here, we didn’t trade with other buy-side accounts. We only traded with the Street.” (WSJ)

Deutsche Bank just lured Karl Gilbert from Fintech firm 'Funding Circle' to become a VP in its global equities team. (Financial News)

Tech persons are moving into banking. (Quartz) 

M&A Tinder could render rainmakers and assemblers of pitch-books unnecessary. (Bloomberg) 

'I've got £6k, earn £27k, and want to buy a London home by 2025. Do I stand a chance?' - Only if your income increases to £164k. (Telegraph) 

Don't watch Tom Cruise films if you want to trade judiciously. (BloombergView) 

The ultimate financial services Christmas reading list. (Medium)

Former investment banker becomes chain smoking football coach. (Reuters)

A math(s) cheat sheet for your daily trading. (Edgework)