GUEST COMMENT: I am being cold called by recruiters trying to place other people in my job
Things are clearly getting desperate. In recent weeks, I've received several calls from 'headhunters' who, thinking they're speaking to my boss, want to place a candidate in my very own job.
How can this be? Well, we're a small but reasonably high profile firm and our website only lists our switchboard number. I answer the phone if my bosses are on calls, in meetings, or at liquid lunches.
The recruiters on the other end are often a bit young and a little green. One or two are just pitch perfect, but most are so bad they'll make you want to buy a tent and start an anti-recruiter protest movement.
Needless to say, my response is not pleasant. I will typically pretend that I am "Chairman and CIO," a position that anyone who's had more than a cursory look at our website will realize does not exist in our sort of firm. If the halfwit falls for this, he or she deserves to be taken for a ride.
Retarded recruiter: "So what's your ideal candidate for a junior role in your fund sir?"
Me: "We like ex-NASA guys mainly. And PHD's in molecular biology. Ideally both. Our unique trading strategy requires a deep understanding of mitochondria. We relate eukaryotic cells to insights into binomial probability, which is key to the delivery of absolute returns to our investors."
RR: "Err. Ok."
Me: "Do you have anyone like that on your books?"
RR: "I'll look into it. I'm sure we can help. I'd love to send you a few CV's"
Me: "Definitely do that. Spam@mitochondria.com is the best email address to catch me on."
RR: "Wait a minute, are you sure that's your rea.."
The author works in asset management.