The Inbetweener: Are you being bullied into giving a referral?

They say "it's not what you know but who you know". But what if who you know doesn't want to know you back? What if when you're trying to get your foot in the door of a company, your so-called contact there pretends as if you don't exist?

I recently asked my husband how investment banking is treating him. He replied "it's agony". It's not because he has lost every weekend for the last two years and has no time to get his heart murmur checked out - that's the tolerable bit. No, it's due to the market whispers that things have picked up in the IB industry. As a result, more people are chasing him to get an interview at his firm.

One incident in particular made for an awkward situation. A former colleague of my husband, who wanted to return to the bank, harassed him to arrange a meeting with the head honcho.

My husband politely told him that the boss was away for a few weeks, and the firm wouldn't be hiring for several months anyway. He promised to keep his ear to the ground and let the guy know if anything cropped up.

But that wasn't good enough for this desperate job seeker who emailed the boss directly and said my husband had advised him to do this. He said my husband was backing him to return to the firm. The boss, somewhat perturbed, immediately questioned my husband as to why he thought he had authority to do this. He didn't, and advised the boss of this accordingly.

Ask first

Most applications processes at the major banks make you answer pages of online questions. The last page usually asks if you know anyone who works at the firm because in some cases there is a referral fee.

The referral system is designed to benefit employees, but if you know someone who works at a bank, you should get his prior approval to mention his name in your application. Some people might not want to refer you, and even those that do would want to be kept in the loop.

My husband's ex colleague ended up hurting his chances of employment by going behind peoples' back and even lying. That was a shame because he wasn't bad at his job, but he proved he couldn't be trusted.

What do you think about this example? Did the man show initiative or just plain arrogance? Perhaps I'm wrong and you should do anything you can to get your foot in the door, particularly in investment banking where competition is tight.

Have you ever dropped a name during your job search without the other person knowing? Were you found out? And has anyone used your name without your knowledge? Tell all in the comments box below.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and not of eFinancialCareers. The author works for a financial institution in Australia.