FRED BAYER: The four genres of investment banking candidate
Recruitment consultants meet a lot of candidates week in, week out. Some remind us how interesting our jobs are. Others remind us that same job can be as excruciating as having a dentist's drill driven through your molars whilst a migraine pounds through your temples to the rhythm of Mr Oizo's Flat Beat.
All candidates, however, can be categorised as one of four common types. As a recruiter, it would make my job far more interesting were this not the case. Sadly, I am still waiting to be proven wrong.
1) The best and rare ones
Whether you recruit for middle or front office you will meet the exceptionally clever ones. They have the numerical ability of Einstein combined with the interpersonal skill and charm of Michael McIntyre. They actually pick up their phones and say please and thank you. There are a grand total of two in the Square Mile and I've already placed them.
2) The ones whose "jobs we could do"
Let's be clear, product control is not the best job in the world. Yet, when recruiters hear how much VP's earn for entering socially useless numbers into dull spreadsheets whilst stuffing their faces with cakes from Paul's, it doesn't sound difficult. Yes, that is how product controllers describe their jobs!
3) The nice but rubbish ones
These are the candidates who respond to adverts, proactively send in their CV's, find our birthdays on LinkedIn and send us cards. They are incredibly polite, buy us coffee and tell us how good we are. The problem is they apply for market risk jobs when they have ten years' experience in a teddy bear factory.
4) The nauseatingly arrogant ones.
These are the ones we'd rather not place, no matter how much commission they earn. The joy of a large fee would be nothing compared to the pleasure of hearing their egos deflate noisily. Unfortunately this never happens. These candidates never get rejected. We live in hope.
Fred Bayer is the pseudonym of a financial services recruitment consultant working in the City of London.
