GUEST COMMENT: Face it, you're not good enough to get into M&A

So you think you can work in M&A? So you think that because M&A doesn't require a PhD or high level mathematics, that it will be a cake walk? Think again.

M&A is a demanding business. Just because the work is often not challenging, don't imagine there's not incredible pressure involved when two giant companies couple or sell assets amongst one another. Your boss's boss is the CEO, a man (and it is usually a man) under constant and massive pressure from his board and shareholders to deliver on a daily basis. He has an ego and a pay packet to match. And like water rolling down a hill that pressure will reach you pretty quickly.

M&A bankers are masters of their craft. Like any business which charges extortionate fees for fairly simple work, the mundane arithmetic of valuation has evolved to fully deserve the accusation of "turd-polishing." If you've ever delved into one of the "valuation bibles" produced by banks for their new recruits' training programmes, you'll know what I mean. A M&A specialist can explain to clients, with a straight face, why such complex analysis is required and still make them feel like they're getting good value for money.

"Attention to detail," is not just a clichéd statement listed on job descriptions, it's critical to the success of deals. If you can't remember what the multiple of that small comparable transaction listed on page 96 of the old version of the fairness opinion is, at 10:30 p.m. on a Sunday evening, when you're on a conference call with your entire team plus the client and you haven't slept in three days, there's a strong possibility that your career is over.

Ironically for a job which involves so much of your time, you're only ever remembered for a few momentary mistakes

Somnabulists

Let's talk about the lack of sleep. In the middle of a transaction you are unlikely to get much of it at all. Are you ready to age five years in three months? I've seen it happen. Perhaps you'll get lucky and catch forty winks in a toilet cubicle. I used to sneak into the Chairman of EMEA Investment Banking's office and nap in his big leather chair between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m.

And when you do get out of work, you'll be too physically destroyed to enjoy yourself. You may have a plush 1-bed in Notting Hill, but you'll never be there to enjoy it. You'll sacrifice your social life to catch up on sleep. The next time you see someone snoozing at a table in Jalouse on a Friday night whilst everyone else around him is partying it up, you'll know why.

I could go on. There's the non-stop travelling, the brutal hierarchy and political game-playing (when your clients are corporates, why would you think your team would not, like them, be an intensely corporate place?). But I'd rather let you discover for yourself. After all, anyone can do it, right?

The author is a former M&A banker who has decided to work in private equity instead.