INTERNSHIP DISASTER: The infamous night out
I would like to qualify this by guaranteeing you that it is 100% true. I'm sure a whole host of colleagues would be delighted to regale in this old piece of storytelling again.
The scene: A major bank, early Q2 2009
The team: Consumer & Retail
The intern: Buxom blonde, Oxford first year student (think Melinda Messenger lookalike... she was on one of these two week 'Women in the City' internships)
The infamous night out: Typical team night out. Turkish dinner (food was awful) followed by trendy wine bar / kind of a strip joint (they had women dancing on the poles on the bar, but technically they had some clothing on)...
Aforementioned team having typical banter - lots of semi-boring work socialising, bit of friendly sports chat, etc... The 'cool' MD decides to spice things up and flash a bit of cash (yes, even in the post-Lehman era) and orders two bottles of vodka to our area. Said bottles arrive with sparklers flying out and mixers surrounding their ominous presence on the table.
The intern was not only hot, she was very hot. And not in a way that some geeky investment banker thinks - she was drop-dead, bleach blonde, barbie-doll gorgeous.
Sleazy Mediterranean VP decides that tonight is the night he will compensate for a loveless youth and try making a move on said ridiculously attractive intern. Instead of the usual chat up lines he decides that pouring her a vodka and coke, with more vodka than coke (much more) is his best move.
Three of these drinks later, she is out for the count. Her northern accent becomes three or four grades more common, the top which was barely covering her sizeable chest in the first place is now largely useless.
Now we all leave to make our move to the overpriced nightclub, as standard. When we arrive in the club, however, the drunk blonde is nowhere to be seen. It turns out she had stumbled out of the bar and started falling all over the pavement. The kind MD who paid for her demise thought he would be a valiant soldier and take the young woman home. Another VP goes for the ride to ensure all is seen to be kosher.
Upon arrival at the West London townhouse, the MD suggests that his wife and kids would probably not appreciate being woken up, so they sneak in the side door to throw her in a bed downstairs. After the drunken commotion of trying to get her into bed, suddenly the MD looks up as the lights around him brighten up - he turns his head to see his wife standing in the doorway, staring at a drunken husband, his youthful Irish colleague and a drunk 19 year old barbie-doll flung across their spare bedroom...
Needless to say she explodes in anger, chasing him up the stairs with a barrage of slaps around the head... Irish VP goes home and all of the drama comes to an end... or so we thought...
The lovely MD comes down to wake-up the hungover and thoroughly memory-less intern, gently tapping on her door. He proceeds to knock harder, but is told 'I am just getting ready, you will have to come back'. He sits upstairs having cooked breakfast at the family table, to see her emerge in a semi-drunken stuper. She looks thoroughly embarrassed, but seems even reluctant to engage when he makes light of the night before, blaming the sleazy Mediterranean for her downfall... Still, she is petrified...
Later, the ever-loving wife goes down to clean the guest room, only to pull back the covers and find that things had gotten even messier than she realised... The drunken intern had absolutely drenched the fine Egyptian cotton in urine!!
Needless to say when the intern and MD shared a cab the next morning, it could well have taken the prize for most awkward cab ride ever.
This is an entry to our intern disasters competition. We will be publishing the best entries over the next week and announcing the winner at the bottom of the best entries on September 9th
