Beware these meaningless job descriptions
We're a little late with this, but several months ago someone asked us to assemble an article dedicated to vacuous job descriptions which sound exciting but are, ultimately, meaningless.
As it's summer, we're now doing this. The descriptions below are based on readers' previous comments. Let us know if you have any to add.
1) Front office liason officer
Seems to imply that: You will be an important conduit of information between the back/middle and front office.
Sad reality: Sooner or later, all other things being equal, you are bound to come across a trader in the gym, cafeteria or street.
2) Provider of strategic thinking to develop streamlined processes:
Seems to imply that: You will be an intellectual force to be reckoned with in improving the efficiency of the back office.
Sad reality: The organisation hasn't invested properly in its systems for many years and now needs someone to develop a process that will be outsourced once stable.
3) Taker of ownership of the reporting framework
Seems to imply that: You will play a key role in improving the way information is communicated throughout the bank.
Sad reality: You will be blamed for the fact that information is not communicated throughout the bank, and for failed attempts to outsource all or part of this process.
4) Flexibility to manage competing priorities
Seems to imply that: You will be an autonomous agent, free to prioritise a diverse and exciting workload, all of which will earn you internal recognition and fame.
Sad reality: Your role will lack clear objectives. You will effectively be a glorified PA.
5) Influencing and networking skills will be required
Seems to imply that: If you get the job, you are obviously considered charming and charismatic and able to wind MDs around your small finger.
Sad reality: This role has no direct support from management. Whoever fills it will need to leave their self-respect at the door and grovel to various departments for assistance/resources.