GUEST COMMENT: Who to expect if you're cold calling for a job on the buyside
When I lost my job in investment banking a few years ago, I decided to be proactive. Rather than lolling around and watching videos of cats on YouTube, I determined to move into the buyside. That determination paid off, and I have worked in private equity for the past few years.
In order to land my current role, I did (a lot of) cold calling. Most buyside firms which were still eating steak had some form of website, and those website included names of employees. These were the people I called, requesting employment.
In the process, I realised that the 'strong personalities' I'd met in banking were like John Major to the partners in private equity funds. They are not easy people, and it's even worse whilst you're trying to get a foot in the door.
Here, based on my experiences, is who you will encounter.
1. The Ivy Leaguer
Initially flattered by your call (Americans appreciate entrepreneurialism more than our Continental cousins), he will quietly stopwatch your elevator pitch to exactly 120 seconds. Don't waste his time. Be ready to give him a stock pick or outline your favourite unloved sub-sector for buyouts.
Close out with some kind of reference to sport. You'll discover at interview that he's athletic, tall, and tanned. Clearly if you are too, it will help.
2. The Autistic Geek
"Stephane" (likely to be French or German) graduated top of his class in Engineering, Physics or Mathematics, completing a year at Harvard for good measure, all the while pretending to love Anglo-Saxon culture and picking up a bizarre hybrid Euro/American accent.
Starting out in M&A, he switched to the buyside telling everyone that corporate finance monkey is work and he needed a new challenge. Maybe so, but his lack of personality didn't help his path through the Machiavellian world of banking. He loves impromptu mathematical tests, be prepared.
If he's looking for a way to close out a face to face meeting abruptly, you can fully expect him to pick up a phone and start pretending to have a conversation with the dialling tone, as happened to me once.
3. The Aristocratte
4.
Definitely not as slow off the mark as she might first appear, she's blue-blood all the way. Probably responsible for investor relations or fund-raising, she used to make investment decisions until she got married and decided that her child was a better reason to be kept up at night than her portfolio positions.
Very charming but won't take kindly to flattery or any hint that her role is less than front-line for the fund's survival. Expect at least a double barrelled surname. Check with someone else beforehand if necessary - mispronouncing it will be the end of your brief interaction with that firm.
4. The Lucky Loser
Probably an ex-accountant, he's not sure how he landed a lucrative job in the cutthroat world of alternative investments, but he isn't about to lose it to some young upstart like you.
He knows he's not that bright and suspects his peers know it too. Will probably listen politely to your call but will tell you that the firm is not hiring (quietly so none of his colleagues can hear) even if you know that is not the case. You won't get much further with him, so hang up quickly and try someone else in the firm.
