GUEST COMMENT: Surviving the company roadshow
There are highs and lows to being a stockbroker. One of the things that seems like a high at the start eventually becomes the bane of your existence: roadshowing corporate stocks across your client base. My clients have always included pan-European Long only funds,
which means pan-European roadshows.
After more roadshows than I could possibly remember, even if I wanted to, I've arrived at the following four simple rules. Follow them religiously if you want to make it back to your desk without permanent mental scarring.
Ensure your travel buddies are fun
On one occasion I had a colleague that was still pumping and stockpiling breast milk, which she stored in the onboard fridge of the Lear jet. This was completely bloody inappropriate as she was 'harvesting' every 5 hours or so. She lugged around some apparatus that looked like it came from Cyber Dog in Camden, poorly concealed in a Louis Vuitton carryall everywhere we went.
This went on for a 3 day, 10 city, Pan-European whistle-stop tour. The corporate client was as weirded out as I was. I think were ready to make cheese by the end of it.
To be honest, she should still have been on maternity leave but as I was clawing away at her commission stream, she was wise to book junior into day care and defend what was left of her profit. After all, we both get paid out of the same bonus pool and the head of equities encouraged good healthy competition.
It also helps if the client is fun. Clients get what they want. Period. You had therefore better hope the client has similar taste in entertainment to you.
Ensure you sell; ensure you max your expenses
Try to stay sane. Kissing arse all day long is exhausting, and pretending to be the foremost expert on every stock is tiring. Sometimes the veneer of civility may slip. However, you can get away with (just about) anything if you bring in some large block orders.
And keep those receipts. Debbie from accounts is a monster to deal with when you have to recon your monthly expenses. My PA was rubbish, so I had to do them myself. Apparently cash tips at Cyclones and other Dubai clubs are not acceptable. Neither are "discretionary cash payments" at Browns in Shoreditch. Best keep those blank Cabbie receipts to balance
your books...
Get home before you run out of clean shirts
The only thing worse than living out of a suitcase, is having a travel bag that is too small. And lugging a coffin sized bag between cars, cabs, aircraft and meetings is a no-go. Don't run out of cufflinks and don't forget to put in a call with the missus once every few days. The latter is imperative if you don't want the roadshow existence to become your life.
Keep an eye on your charge
I once roadshowed with the MD of a company we had a overweight rating on. After a few bottles of Margaux, he asked my "expert" advice on how to raise another 50% of their market cap to recapitalise. Just make sure your corporate doesn't say anything stupid at a liquid lunch, especially if your analyst has a buy on the stock.
Oh, and keep your nose clean.
