Goldman Sachs to pay 2010 bonuses in the form of Nectar Points

In a bid to quell public anger over pay and refute its vampire squid reputation, we understand that Goldman Sachs is planning to award its London bankers' 2010 bonuses in the form of Nectar Points.

The US firm has reportedly been considering alternatives to cash payments over the last six months, and come to conclusion that Nectar Points - readily redeemable at over 400 stores including Sainsbury's, Amazon, Argos, Apple, and Gala Bingo - are most appropriate.

The size of the award will vary depending on seniority and performance, but we understand that average compensation per head is set to come in at 200m Nectar Points; 500 points are worth 2.50.

Of the 200m Points, 100m will be paid in April 2011, with 50m redeemable in 2012 and the remainder redeemable in 2013, subject to a minimum return on equity target being met. Should an employee leave before this period, or his/her division make a loss, points will be subject to a clawback.

With a view to discouraging conspicuous consumption, we also understand that Goldman bankers will be obliged to spend their points on utilitarian rather than luxury items. The points will not, therefore, be redeemable for Krug or Bollinger, but may be spent on Cava and Gala Bingo.

Headhunters claim already to be receiving calls from Goldman bankers looking to make an exit before the new compensation scheme comes into force. It is, however, possible that other City institutions will adopt similar measures: Credit Suisse, for example, is said to be contemplating remunerating its staff in the form of Morrisons' Miles.

You may have guessed that the assertions in this article are not factually correct. Today is April 1st.