THE INSIDER: How it feels to be a survivor

I am daring to be optimistic. Last year, banks made 20-30% of their staff redundant. This year, many have followed up with another round of cuts. I'm still around. So how does it feel?

My main feelings are a combination of humility and cautious relief, and I don't think I'm alone in this.

Anyone who has watched a neighbouring desk get obliterated, or watched colleagues from their own desk get fired, cannot but feel some sense of fortune, of there but for the grace of God go I.

With whole institutions like Lehman going down, it's no longer just about capable and incapable individuals, it's also about the lottery of which bank you work for. Even the most arrogant and self-assured have learned to doubt.

Personally, I always find it saddest when someone who is in the latter stages of their career is let go. This is particularly the case if they have been part of the same institution for years and have become 'part of the furniture.' Contrary to popular myth, many still need to work - they have families to support and mortgages to pay.

I have less sympathy for the younger guys. It's still tough for them, of course, but their whole careers are yet to come. And you know what? It's probably not a bad thing for some of these kids to feel the sharper edge.

The atmosphere among us survivors remains tense. Despite a decent start to the year, the general view is that more rounds of redundancies are likely. There's no real sign of a recovery yet and few believe it will happen before 2010.

This crisis has thrown a wild card into the mix: government. For those institutions that have taken government (OK, if I must, 'taxpayer') money, the future is highly uncertain. Governments themselves don't seem to know what they're going to do.

As a survivor I am therefore taking the long term view. The next part of the cycle may be a while in coming.