DESPERATE MEASURES: I am now a male nanny
Apparently diversifying your financial portfolio is good investment advice. This is not much use when the markets have decided to behave like kamikaze pilots. Alright then, what about employment diversification?
After two years away from the desk and trying unsuccessfully for months to re-enter my old life in OTC deriviatives, I've decided to swap working lunches for pack lunches and strategic talk for toddler talk.
Yes, I've become a male nanny. The upside? Never having to look smart for work; no more 6am starts to get into the office. Not having an office, actually. The downside? Well, the school gate chit chat, safely herding hyperactive children home and dealing with fractious nine year olds who would rather watch The Simpsons than do homework.
As with working on the trading floor, being a manny requires charisma, negotiation skills and a good sense of humour. It also requires in-depth knowledge of Lego Bionicle and an ability to cook macaroni cheese at the drop of a hat.
Not exactly what I thought I'd be doing after college but it beats sitting at home watching the dire news on Bloomberg.
At least I feel I'm doing something beneficial. Trying to get an interview with financial recruiting agencies was rather like trying to be accepted into the Garrick Club. Worse, actually. One agency even used that delightful turn of phrase "don't call us, we'll call you" after I had tried to impress them with my knowledge of Black Scholes Theory.
I've now dropped all that for Black Currant Jam Theory, which amounts to clearing it all off your protége's face before their mother turns up.
Dealing with mothers is of course a skill in itself. Like your superior barking orders across the office floor, the mother does the hiring and firing. So win them over and you're half way there.
Frankly, employment diversification is more relevant today than it ever was. Don't knock it until you've tried it... that's what my babysitter used to say anyway. And with London ravaged by 'adverse weather conditions' where else can you actually factor in building a snowman as an important element of your job?
