OUT OF LEHMAN: I think I may have made a mistake

At about the same time I got my current job - a contract position in middle office, I had a final round interview with a FMCG company for a fulltime position in their finance department.

I took a gamble, dropped out of the interview process and opted for the middle office position.

My reasons were: one, I wanted to stay in capital markets and the temp job helped me keep my foot in the door; and two, the job buys me time, pays for my heating, but doesn't pay enough to make me complacent. Every day when I walk into the office and walk past the trading floor, I am reminded that my current job is only a means to an end. It keeps the fire burning within.

But in the last three weeks my goal has started to seem even more distant than ever.

More and more people are losing their jobs, companies have put recruitment on hold, and personally, I am finding it very hard to find the time for job hunting.

As much as I'm only a contract employee, I won't call headhunters from the office or apply for jobs while I'm sitting in my desk. By the time I finish work, most headhunters have already shut up shop.

I spend a good portion of my weekend applying for jobs and networking, but it's not the same as finding time to meet recruiters or contacts over the week. While it's easy to blame my poor success rate on the market condition, deep inside, doubts are creeping. I'm starting to wonder whether this contract roles is a mistake: if hadn't taken it on, I might now have time to put in the effort necessary to find a role I really want.

It doesn't help that last week a friend got a job in a real estate private equity firm. We have very similar backgrounds - fresh MBA graduates and recently laid-off from banks. Unlike me, he didn't want to settle for anything second best. He pushed himself, was very proactive, and found his way through.

Where have I gone wrong? Honest introspection has provided the following answer: lack of foresight.

I spent my sign-on bonus traveling the world instead of diligently repaying my education loan. A yearly rental contract for my apartment in Central London and my own bullish future cash flow projections haven't helped my situation.

It didn't help that my Lehman redundancy package amounted to zero, but unfortunately I have made my bed and, for the moment, I will have to lie in it.