It's the way that you say it

The source of this advice is a theory with the unwieldy name of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). It is the study of effective 'thinking, language and behaviour' and one of its central messages is that if you copy the way other people in the workplace talk, then they will like you. Bosses, clients and colleagues alike.

'NLP can be used to help improve rapport,' says Carol Harris, a member of the executive committee of the Association of Neuro-Linguistic Programmers, who has trained staff in the City of London in its uses. 'If you're dealing with new clients it will enable you to relate to them right from the start.'

Vanity is a powerful force, it seems. Sue Knight, a consultant who has pioneered the use of NLP in business in the UK, identifies three different ways of thinking: visual, auditory, and through feelings.

Everyone has a preference for one type over the others, she says. Visual people will use phrases such as 'I see what you mean', while auditory types will say 'I hear what you're saying'. The feelings type might opt for 'I don't feel that's the right thing to do'.

At its widest, NLP is designed to reprogramme the way people talk, and even think, so that they become more balanced and appealing individuals. It focuses on tone of voice and body language as well.

Practitioners say the importance of choice of words has increased since the advent of e-mails. In the sterile world of electronic communication, the other NLP factors are removed from the equation.

'When we send e-mails we tend to be too abrupt and not put ourselves in the shoes of the person on the receiving end,' says Knight. 'There are lots of clues in the language that people use which show how they would like people to respond to them.'

It is not a good idea to merely echo what has already been said. 'If you mimic people they will get very frustrated, embarrassed or upset. It is not necessary and is quite blatant,' says Harris.

Responses should instead be subtly coded to match the language used by the sender. Auditory types will prefer to read an e-mail saying that a deal sounds like a good idea, rather than that it looks good or should make a good impact.

Such techniques can also be used to create rapport more widely. 'There's been a lot of interest in the use of NLP to build teams,' says Knight.

A senior securities management team at the London office of global custodian Northern Trust has been among those employing NLP.

'We used NLP to focus on the way in which we work as individuals,' says Richard Bartholomew, global head of securities lending product development at Northern Trust.

'That understanding of how we work and express ourselves gave us the tools and method with which to constructively challenge each other. As a result, this is now an extremely strong team.'

Linguistic sensibility can also be a short cut to successful dealings with other cultures. 'There is not always time to prepare for a foreign trip,' says Knight. 'Prior knowledge of NLP is a way of increasing our sensitivity to the nuances in other people's language.'

Cultural norms may be noted in advance. Knight observes, for example, that the French tend to use words based on feelings, the Danish are very visual and the Germans are neutral.

The advantages of being smooth tongued do not stop there. By reprogramming thinking to overcome negativity, NLP supposedly can also help to bring about a more pleasing future. The dark clouds on the horizon could be blown aside with some positive thoughts.

'Really charismatic leaders focus on desired states as opposed to problems,' says Knight. 'If you want to increase your chances of achieving a goal, then talking in terms of desired states is absolutely imperative. It is like a golfer thinking about where they want a ball to go, rather than worrying about whether it will go in the water,' says Knight.

So it could be time to stop talking about this year's job losses and to start talking about next year's bonuses. As long, that is, as your boss is doing it too.