Morning Coffee: 46 year-old Goldman banker on track for a giant bonus. J.P.M. analyst voices regrets

Mirror mirror on the wall, which Goldman Sachs investment banker will receive the biggest bonus of them all (for his work in 2015)?

How about Gregg Lemkau?

Financial News points out that Lemkau, aged 'merely' 46, had an especially productive 2015. Among other deals, Lemkau personally worked on Duke Energy’s $4.9bn acquisition of Piedmont Natural Gas and on Fidelity National Information Services’ $9.1bn purchase of SunGard. As co-global head of M&A, he took Goldman all the way to the top of the global M&A league table with $1.8 trillion of deals. In late December, he was one of three people promoted to Goldman's management committee. What more could you ask for in a year?

Lemkau is a New York-based partner at Goldman Sachs who joined the firm after graduating from Dartmouth College in 1991. How much will he be paid? We can but speculate, but given that bonuses for regulated staff at Goldman Sachs in London average $4m, a $10m bonus for Lemkau's efforts in 2015 would not seem out of the question.

Separately, a J.P. Morgan analyst has seemingly spoken about her regrets. Cosmopolitan magazine has an interview with 'Oriana Fuentes'. It describes her simply as an analyst in New York City, but there's an Oriana Fuentes who's a FIG analyst at J.P. Morgan according to LinkedIn. Listing the things she wishes she'd known before becoming a banker, Fuentes includes the fact that it's, "really a lot of Powerpoint and Excel work'", that she comes across a lot of people with negative perceptions about the industry, and that even tiny mistakes at work are absolutely intolerable. Overall, however, Fuentes paints a positive portrait of her job and working hours: "There will be [social activities] you'll miss, but there's some possibility you can pop out and go to something and come back later," she notes.

Meanwhile:

Every single person, including the CEO, will be hot-desking at Citi's new headquarters in Manhattan. (WSJ) 

Senior J.P. Morgan M&A banker leaves to work for a client. (SwissInfo)

Credit Suisse's most senior CMBS and CLO trader mysteriously left the bank before Christmas. (Bloomberg)

A graphical portrait of Deutsche’s retreat from DCM. (BloombergView)

Tom Hayes writes from prison: "“I guess I’m becoming more immune to prison life now; being strip-searched has lost the embarrassment and indignity I felt at first. Drug overdoses and fights are de rigueur, and the monotony of life here takes over.” (The Times)

Another hedge fund manager decides he's had enough:  “I am no longer able to continue making the commitment and sacrifices required to run outside capital,” wrote Mr Hirsch, founder of Seneca Capital. (Financial Times)

Blythe Masters' Bitcoin business isn't such a biggy after all. (NY Times)

How it feels to lose $20m on a hydrocarbon trade gone wrong. (Nautil) 

The under 10 year-olds are coming for your job. (Next Web)

MP pays just £2.4k a year for accommodation by living on boat moored in East London.  (Telegraph) 

I chose my wife by Excel spreadsheet. (Telegraph)

£100k average bonuses at London private equity firms. Allegedly. (The Times)

Photo credit: On the Hudson by ccho is licensed under CC BY 2.0.